One Clear Dot

Just yesterday I was writing about divorce as entertainment and about how people seem obsessed with the personal lives of celebrities to the extent that a divorce of an actor becomes front page news right alongside the report of Bhutto’s assignation. As I was still pondering the phenomenon in my head, I got a call from an old high school friend. I’ll call her Denise for this particular article, since I’m sure she would appreciate me not using her real name.

Denise was sitting down to dinner about a year ago with her husband and daughter when her husband told her he needed to talk to her after dinner. She was apprehensive, because most of the things they talk about as a couple are appropriate for dinnertime conversation. It turns out her husband had filed for divorce and had some papers for her to look over. It was all a huge surprise to her.

It’s not been an easy year. Her soon-to-be ex was aggressive in his actions. Denise had to retain a child support attorney to try and adequately determine within legal parameters what she was entitled based on her husband’s multiple business holdings. He has been trying to make it a slippery situation, not always including all of his income. He is a wealthy man. I have no idea why he is fighting the responsibility he has as a father.

A mutual friend I have with Denise has also been facing a possible divorce. Her situation is very different. She and her husband went through years of harrowing infertility treatments, to no avail. They put all of their finances and emotions into an adoption that fell through the day they were supposed to bring the baby home from the hospital. An appeals attorney could not even turn that situation around.

The stress was so intense that my friend’s husband mentioned divorce right before their adoption attorney came to them with a second child they could adopt. That adoption worked out and their son is now one. Their marriage is still shaky. A new baby, the failed fertility efforts, and the botched adoption all took a toll on their hearts. Thankfully, they are in counseling and I feel like they have a better chance than most.

I feel like I am surrounded by divorce – my own, those of friends, and the constant headlines about failed celebrity marriages. Maybe if we all took the time to shine the spotlight on the marriage successes, then society’s collective norm would shift and we would see a downtrend in the divorce rate. I can only dream.

Posted on December 29th, 2007 by onecleardot
Filed under: Home Life, The Way People Think